My Shocked Date – You seem so cool for a Harvard girl!
Me – Have you ever met anyone who went to Harvard?
Him – My friend went to Columbia.
Me – Urm . . . Are we switching topics?
Him – No. I mean, I know about the Ivy League. I know about gentlemensies.
Me – Gentlemensies? What is a gentlemency?
Him – No, Gentleman’s C’s. You know.
Me – Clearly not.
Him – Like, they won’t give you anything less than a “C” in a class in the Ivy League.
Me – Nah dog. I know some people who would’ve loved a “Gentleman’s C.” Slim Thug say “I ain’t heard of that.”
Him – See? Like, how you know Slim Thug, Harvard?
Me – Beep Boop Boop Beep – – – Does not compute.
Him – Are there others like you?
Me – Did we just land in an alien movie?
Him – Did you feel left out?
Me – I felt fine. I learned and had fun and partied hearty. There are all types of people there, and you’d be hard pressed to find one who could only talk about the evolution of human parent-child relationships in hunter-gatherer communities.
Him – Y’all had PARTIES??
Me – @#$%#0($^^%7* Aaaaa . . . I mean . . . yes.
Him – Dang . . . [laughs] Wait, haha, you tryna play me! Y’all ain’t have no parties.
Me – omg.
Home in Philadelphia:
“Wait. You went to Harvard? For real? You lyin’ . . . I didn’t think they let Black people in there.”
Neighbor on an airplane:
“My daughter is visiting colleges in Boston. We’re going to HARVARD actually. She’s probably going to be admitted there
Me- Oh nice.
Her- Did you go to college?
Me- … Yes.
Her- Where did you go?
Me- Harvard, actually.
Her- Whoa! You went to Harvard? You must be a lucky dog!
Me- As lucky as your daughter, I guess.
Her- Well she’s worked really hard in high school.
Ok – Yes, I went to a prestigious school. I wish you weren’t so surprised. But let me say this: Before I got my admissions letter, I was me. I still am. And as for that degree? I’m still waiting for it to sprout wings and fly, or take up tap dancing; That’s right, I’m calling you out degree! If you’re not going to do anything, at least take up a hobby, you dolt! Shoot.