I didn’t just turn 25. I’ve been here for about six months. But I think it’s taken that long to fully appreciate what this age means. There are so many things that I thought would be different by now. The passage of time has been cruel, relentless, and ever-hastening. That’d be ok, if you were still able to hold on to the hope for the future that you had in your childhood. Here are a few of the things you realize as you get older:
Never going to be a sport pro. It’s not that you were exceptional … maybe you just hadn’t found your perfect fit! Slowly, it dawns on you though– you’re not going to grow up to be a professional athlete. In fact, many of the pro athletes you now watch, idolize, and criticize are … younger than you. When the hell did that happen??
Not going to be a pop star. Not only is the possibility of the amazing career that was going to make all those people in school SO SORRY THEY EVAR PICKED ON ME retreating in your rear view mirror, but again, the people you see writing on stages across the country are getting younger and younger. At best, they’re your age, which means they’ve been on this path for years prior. And what have you been doing? Going to school, working at your job day after day like a RUBE? We’ve all been had.
Your knees hurt. Seriously. Is this the beginning of the end?
You slept wrong, and it hurts. Really? Sleeping is so easy. How can you do it wrong? You’ve been sleeping all your life … you should be sleeping like a G by now. How did you forget how to sleep? Ouch.
That beautiful face you thought would be bestowed on you by your mid twenties probably won’t arrive. As a youngin’ you looked at, say Stacy Dash and said ‘wow! when I get older that’s how I’m going to look!’ Eventually, you have to realize that you’re just going to have the face you have. That magical transformation isn’t going to happen.
You’ll never know. Do you have it? (GUTS!) Could you ever score a piece of that Cragg? Could you put together that damned three piece monkey? Would you sock a Temple Guard? How does slime taste? Does Marc Summers smell like vanilla? These are things you’ll just have to let go, because your fading youth means you’ll never know.
That’s all I have for now. What’d I forget?
PS- A bonus little truth for you, that may come in handy during the holidays (read: when dealing with family): You may not be the person you were, but you’re still bad as hell. Oooo, Kill ’em!