We all know there’s a war on women’s rights going on in America right now. Lately, Republicans in the House have been fighting to de-fund Planned Parenthood, based on the fact that Planned Parenthood provides abortions as a part of its suite of services*. The fact that federal monies HAVE NOT been allowed to be used to to directly fund abortions since 1976 (save for in the case of rape, incest, or the health of the mother) aside, Senate Minority Whip Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) has done his part to take up the charge against Planned Parenthood as well. On April 8th, 2011, Kyl stood on the floor of the Senate, and claimed that Planned Parenthood used 90 percent of its time to perform abortions. It turns out though, that Planned Parenthood only spends THREE percent of its time on abortions. Whoops! It’s ok though; when responding to the misstep, Kyl’s camp said:
His remark was not intended to be a factual statement but rather to illustrate that Planned Parenthood, an organization that receives millions of taxpayer dollars, does subsidize abortions.
- Jon Kyl thinks no one can see him when he puts a paper bag on his head
- Jon Kyl was named after the Quebec town, Jonquière, which is fitting because he ate all of its residents
- Jon Kyl bought a SodaStream so he could drink *carbonated* tears of the poor
- John Kyl invented a chemical-free method for bleaching recycled paper pulp
- Jon Kyl claims the craziest thing he’s ever done was that time he ate pancakes for dinner
- Jon Kyl destroyed love in 1973. All feelings since then have been but a shadow of the original concept.
- Along a certain stretch of Mexican highway, Jon Kyl is known as El Autoestopisto Blanco Borracho.
- The secret to Jon Kyl’s success can be found on page 53 of the Necronomicon
- Jon Kyl’s torso is covered in superfluous nipples.
- Jon Kyl is so mean he once shot a man just for snoring.
- Jon Kyl is an accomplished nude hula dancer. He is not welcome in Hawaii
- For the past ten years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit
- Jon Kyl calls all Asians “Neil” no matter what their name is
- Jon Kyl is one of Gaddafi’s sexy female ninja guards.
The hashtag has taken off, and Colbert’s followers have run with the idea. Follow the tag here to take a look at all the wonderful things you never knew weren’t true about Jon Kyl but illustrate that he lied or at best made a HUGE gaff without taking responsibility for it
*little known fact- abortions are legal in America. Go figure.