|I’m Smiling Ironically|
|Lotion – It’s so Nineteen-Ninety-Nouveau-Riche|
- Adopt an exceedingly ugly pet, and name it Bruno. If it’s a cat, put it on a leash. If it’s a dog, do not. There are no fish in hipster-life, because they don’t “get” irony.
- Pick up a smoking habit, but roll your own non conflict West African tobacco. Only smoke when you’re wearing your hemp bowler (called your smoking hat) which is always.
- Wake up in the morning feeling like Puff Daddy, ‘cuz retro is out, so it’s now … so it’s out, so it’s now …
- Choose your items of clothing carefully, and according to your mood. The indie accordion/ harmonica band-lyrics t-shirt when you’re feeling misunderstood. The neon cat playing finger cymbals tee when you’re thinking about/about to/ actually drinking with your “friends.” (don’t worry, layering is highly encouraged. you have to do something to cover the holes). Save your skinny jeans for anytime breathing seems important.
- Ugly Christmas sweaters are great, but only once moth eaten, and never during the holidays. Violation of this policy will get you sent to somewhere truly awful; usually the Playboy mansion.
- Know “the band” before anyone’s heard of them. Hate them (the band, or the “anyone;” preferably both). NOTE: Your disdain should not extend to “the band’s” early Middle School recordings, created before they lost “it.”