A Billion Wicked Thoughts doesn’t help matters, by being genuinely funny. It’s written like the act of a standup comedian who doesn’t smile through his routine. He knows he’s killing, but he’s matter of fact.
For you, dear reader, I’ve collected a few of my favorite lines from the book. Things that made me laugh. Things that made me gag, and things that made me think ‘Hey, what’s the deal here? Am I really a man?’
*WARNING WARNING WARNING*- Some of this may make you a bit uncomfortable. If that happens, here’s something that will make you feel better: When something is too much for you, you get to click off. When it happened to me (on the work shuttle), I closed the book, which has a near-naked lady on the front. Yikes! I turned the book over. LARGE RED LETTERS read “THE BOOK ON SEX.”
Anonymity. It’s a beautiful thing.
- One imagines that if male babboons could speak, they’d shout similar cat calls over baboon booty.
- …two out of three subjects became aroused by the jar of pennies.
- … women also posses android fat. (Don’t I know it)
- Another chance to bag a wabbit.
- …stimuli that contain a visual cue of “breastyness…”
- …sneaky scientists.
- Second, she inserted a plethysmograph into their vaginas…
- Should I use one of my last contraceptive sponges on Enrique, or is he not really sponge-worthy?
- … invest in Google. You can’t go wrong.
- After all, would we characterize gang bang porn as ‘romance for men?’
- … and Edward Penishands.
- I told him I wanted to chop his wifes [sic] feet off and he was cool about it. He’s a nice guy :-).
- … the hero must find his inner goo.
- Apparently, female vampires would be well advised to ignore a man’s neck in favor of a more nutritious part if his anatomy.
- The Sisterhood of the Magic Hoo Hoo
- Arousal is not consent.
- Some romance fans refer to this as ‘Twu Wuv.’
- …when it comes to the prime organ of masculinity, [gay men] have been endowed with nearly an extra half inch.
- Because gay men are attracted to masculinity.
- Gay men, like straight men, can also become sexually aroused by other body parts or by cues interests in clothing, such as armpits (Armpits.com), saggy jeans (SaggersGoneWild.com), and socks (GaySocks.com).
- Gay porn is not full of chatty conversation, Cher impersonators, or the elaborate analysis of feelings.
- Gay brains appear to posses a gay Elmer Fudd …
- … a rodent Elmer Fudd hunting wats instead of wabbits.